


Something That We're Not

by Lirry_loves_Ziall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 01:59:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirry_loves_Ziall/pseuds/Lirry_loves_Ziall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Demi let her words sink in; she could tell by the puzzled look on her friends face that he never thought that before. He never cared for what their management thought. Sure after the X-Factor, they were strict on what happened between the boys, but he was never one to let anyone control who he loved. Louis pondered over her interesting thought; did he really want to stop what he had with Harry? Or did he think that was what was expected of him, being a single <em>straight</em> male."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something That We're Not

He sat there in the studio room, not wanting anyone to join him or take him away from his solitude; he just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts. His phone lit up again, yet another message from Harry, his tenth of the night. Each message had the same request, but always in a new way to try and entice the Doncaster lad. 

_Wanna meet up? I’m lonely ;)_

With the following one...

_I just had a shower…towel is ready to be stripped off…Hurry up!_

Every time his phone beeped, Louis let out an exhausted sigh. He loved Harry, he truly did, but in not in the way the curly haired boy wanted. During their time on the X-Factor, the two got very close. Louis fell for Harry’s dimples and huge smile. He thought the young boy was mature beyond his years and knew way more about life than he should. Louis became intrigued, more so to the realization that this ‘ladies man’ was more of a ‘man’s man’. Louis had always been in love with the opposite sex, but there was something about Harry that turned Louis’ insides out, even if it was just for this one boy. 

 

Louis cautiously tested the waters with the curly haired lad at first. Play fighting, tickling, and groping, anything the older boy could do to get his hands on the Holmes Chapel lad. It didn’t take long for the whole world to notice there was something different between the two. That’s when Louis decided to keep whatever he was feeling a secret. Louis was unsure of how he felt, he didn’t know if what he was feeling for the curly haired boy was lust or love, and he really didn’t want to confront that question on national television. Louis knew there was really only one way to be sure. He couldn’t hide his intrigue for long, and soon enough, it became too much for either boy to handle. 

 

He was waiting for the best moment to have Harry all too himself, so one night on tour Louis claimed his quiet friend as his roommate for the evening. When Louis walked into that hotel, and saw Harry lying there, sprawled out on the bed in nothing but a small pair of black boxers, Louis knew this was his only chance. He moved to lay beside the younger boy, choosing to ignore whatever program he should have been watching, and instead letting his eyes linger down Harry’s long torso. His breathed caught in his chest as he moved to make his first advance at Harry. He gradually started to play with the other male’s feet entangling them with his own and the younger lad didn’t pull away. He bit his bottom lip, excited at the next move he was going to make. 

 

He slowly started to drag his hand up Harry’s smooth thigh softly, and letting the brunette feel the unbearable tension. When he still didn’t pull away, Louis took the next step and slipped his hand into the younger boy’s boxers, grazing his fingertips over the lad’s already hard member. He couldn’t help but think to himself what he was doing was wrong; he shouldn’t be doing this, especially not to _him_. 

 

A sly smirk crossed Harry’s lips, and the older male knew there was no turning back. They fucked that night, sloppy, hard and fast. Louis didn’t know what to do; after all he’s never done anything like this before. He let Harry take control of the situation, but still couldn’t face what he was about to do and Harry knew that. So the Cheshire lad turned him around so neither boy had to face the other. Louis wanted to look at Harry, see the longing in his eyes, but he also couldn’t bring himself to see what he was doing with another man. So he turned the lights out and just let the feelings of Harry take over his body. Both men grunting so loud, the whole hotel was sure to hear.

 

You couldn’t wipe the smirk off Louis’ face for the next week. He had never felt so alive, he still couldn’t tell you why he felt that way; all he knew was having Harry inside him made him feel better than any of his past girlfriends ever did. It didn’t take long for the perfect moment to happen again, the boys crawling back under the sheets and clawing at each other’s bodies. It wasn’t romance, it never was meant to be. Louis had just found someone who made him happy, whatever that delusional version of happy was.

 

While at a party for one of Harry’s friends, Louis met the mesmerizing Eleanor. They clicked instantly, she understood all of his stupid jokes and quirks, she had the same sense of style as him, and they both seemed to take an interest in other. Eleanor was one of the most beautiful women Louis has ever laid eyes on, and she still is today; her brown hair flawless in any style. Being a model, her body is something only one dreams of, and the fact she can’t take a bad photo doesn’t help. Louis fell hard, from the moment she said “hi” in that soft and sweet voice of hers, he was gone. It was also at that same moment, Louis quickly realised what he and Harry had was just between the sheets. Harry never made Louis feel they way she did, happy.   
On his first night with Eleanor, he was quite nervous, but he quickly relaxed when he realized how at ease he felt with her. He had been with women before, but after being with his younger male friend for so long, he was worried he might not be able to perform well enough. It didn’t take long for Louis to realize that she turned him on sexually as well. He didn’t know what to say to Harry, how to tell him he was falling in love with this girl, so he didn’t. He used twitter to deny what the two boys had, in hopes Harry would drop everything. Unfortunately, the younger lad didn’t get the hint. Harry would constantly text the older male hoping to meet up for one of their lustrous romps, thinking that what Louis had with Eleanor, was nothing compared to what he had with his younger friend. Louis would do whatever he could to distance himself from his fling, wanting only to be with his love, Eleanor. 

 

That’s how he ended up here, just wanting to be alone. He couldn’t take it anymore, he loved Harry with all his being, but he wasn’t IN love with him. He didn’t know how to leave him, without breaking the poor boy, so instead he hid. Trying to disappear from the world and his thoughts.

 

“Hey, what are you doing in here all alone?” Demi asked walking into the dimly lit studio.

“Just thinking,” Louis mustered out.

“About?”

“Nothing…” his voice trailed off.

“Hun, it’s me, you can’t lie to me, especially about something that hurts you,” she said taking a seat on the couch next to him.

“What makes you think I’m hurting?” Louis asked surprised.

“Because I know what hurt and alone looks like,” she said looking at her wrists.

“Sorry,” he muttered looking away.

“It’s okay, it reminds me how strong I am. So, what’s wrong?” Louis shifted in his seat, unsure if he should share his problem. “And don’t even try lying,” she smiled warmly.

Louis said nothing, just passed her his phone, letting her read the series of texts from his former plaything. Her face didn’t change as she read each message. When she finally had enough, she looked up at her friend, concern written all over her face. She didn’t know what to ask, or say. She was glad when Louis finally spoke. 

 

He started at the beginning, tears filling his eyes when he told her about meeting El and seeing Harry’s hurt and somewhat shattered face. Demi just sat there, listening to every word that fell from Louis’ delicate lips. She placed a hand on his right leg when his voice cracked, letting him know it was okay to continue. When Louis finally finished his story, the pair of them just sat there in silence.

 

“I see,” was all Demi could say.

“You see what?” Louis asked puzzled.

“Why you’ve been so down for so long, I’m sorry, you’ve been feeling this...alone.”

Louis didn’t say a word; he had never truly heard himself say it out loud. But now, as he told Demi everything, he realized things he didn’t notice he was feeling. He realized that this whole time, all he wanted was for Harry to know the truth, and to try and help the younger lad find peace with his and Eleanor’s relationship. He never wanted sympathy, because really, he was the one who put himself in this whole mess, all on his own. If anyone was to blame for what was going on between him and Harry, it was Louis himself.

 

“I just wish I knew how to tell them…”

“Tell who what?”

“El, I want to tell her all about my past with Harry, but I don’t want to lose her, I can’t lose her, I love her too much. And I want to tell Harry that I can’t do this anymore, he needs to move on because what we had was nothing, just sex.” His head fell low as he spoke those final words.

“Are you sure that’s what you want? Or is it what you think your management wants?” Demi let her words sink in; she could tell by the puzzled look on her friends face that he never thought that before. He never cared for what their management thought. Sure after the X-Factor, they were strict on what happened between the boys, but he was never one to let anyone control who he loved. Louis pondered over her interesting thought; did he really want to stop what he had with Harry? Or did he think that was what was expected of him, being a single _straight_ male. He couldn’t deny his love for his friend even if he tried. Harry had been there for Louis since day one, and over that time Louis got attached. But it was more of a needing than a longing. He felt like he needed Harry, which is understandable. He had been away from his family for so long, and he just didn’t know how to be alone when his house was always filled with people. It wasn’t a longing though, he didn’t lay awake at night craving his friends touch, or beg to be near him to smell his perfect scent. Louis just didn’t want to be alone, and now that he had Eleanor, he wasn’t.

 

“Yes…I’m sure,” he said, not faltering on any word.

“Then I know the perfect way, to let them both know, and for you to move on,” a smile crept across Demi’s lips as she spoke those last words.

Louis looked puzzled, but he was up for anything. “And that is?”

“A song. It’s the only true way someone can let go. It’s been like that for centuries, writing down every thought, every emotion, and every word of pain you have,” she smiled.

They wrote for hours, just the two of them together sitting alone in that recording studio room. They laughed, cried, and argued over every lyric. When the song was completed, neither of them could stop smiling. Louis was happy because he had finally been able to release whatever had been holding him back and breathe again. Demi was smiling because she loved to see her friends happy, especially when it came to love.

“I love it,” Louis smiled. “And I want you to sing it.”

“No, this is you, your song, your emotion, no.” She said.

“No, it’s too good to keep quiet, please?” he almost begged.

“Louis…” Demi began to speak but stopped when she saw her friend’s eyes. It was the most sincere and serious look she ever saw. “Okay,” she agreed.

 

~

 

Louis laid on his bed, spread out over top the sheets. He was on his stomach, his head turned to the side with this arms bent out and his hands under his head. He stayed there, breathing softly and listening to the boys laugh down the hall on their huge tour bus. He had been feeling a lot better since his writing session with Demi, but he couldn’t shake the feeling he hadn’t fully let go. 

He finally told Eleanor everything: they sat listening to the song together and just talked. She had always suspected something, but never knew for sure. When Louis almost broke telling her, she placed a soft kiss to his lips. She loved him with all her heart, but also understood if he couldn’t love her the same way because he was in love with someone else. When she told Louis this, he was genuinely shocked. He didn’t mean for her to lose faith in his love for her. He explained his love for Harry, but then told her of his love for her, which was beyond powerful. When Louis made love to Eleanor that night, he had never felt so whole in his life. He had finally been completely honest, and it brought them so much closer together. Now he just needed to find a way to explain it all to Harry.

 

“You haven’t heard it yet?” Louis faintly heard from Niall down the hall in the game room.

“I’m sorry I’m not in love with her like you are,” Harry’s laugh filling up the hallway.

“I’m not in love with her!” Niall shouted back.

“Yeah, he’s not,” Zayn said coming to his lovers defence.

“Zayn, you’re just jealous your boyfriend has a crush on her,” Harry laughed. 

“Oh, Harry just stop,” Liam said barely interested in the conversation.

“What?” Harry smiled innocently.

Zayn walked up behind his blonde lover, wrapping his arms around the younger boy’s waist. “Do you love her?” he asked sternly.

“How could I? All my love is for you,” he smiled feeling Zayn’s arms pull him in tighter.

“Good answer,” Zayn grinned, placing a rough kiss to Niall’s lips.

“Get a room,” Harry shouted, making the two boys pull apart laughing.

“What’s going on in here?” Louis asked walking into the lounge.

“Well before Hazza so rudely interrupted Niall, we were talking about Demi’s new song,” Liam smiled, seeing his best mate finally leave his bed.

“What one?” Louis asked.

“Something That Were Not!” Niall beamed.

He pulled himself free from Zayn’s death grip and put the song on the boy’s stereo. The song began to play, filling the whole bus up with lyrics. Louis sat there quietly, remembering every word and every emotion with it.

_I shoulda known when I got you alone  
That you were way too into me to know  
This isn't love boy, this ain't even close_

He listened to the words he wrote, and couldn’t help but feel guilty.

_And now you call me every single night_  
I only answer cause I'm too polite  
We happened once, or maybe it was twice  
Yeah you always make it hard for me to stop 

The lyrics were true, every word was how Louis felt, yet he couldn’t help but hate himself for putting his feelings on the radio for the whole world to hear, before telling Harry.  
You wanna be more than just friends

_I can't go through this again_  
Stop trying get inside my head  
Don't wanna do more than hookup  
It's getting stupid cause  
I shoulda known but I forgot  
That you think we're something that we're not 

Harry was enjoying the song, which hurt Louis even more. Seeing how happy his friend was while basically telling him to fuck off, killed him. When the song came to an end, Louis ran out of the room, tears flowing from his eyes. Harry saw the tears and ran after his lost lover.

 

“Louis! Hold up! Louis,” Harry yelled before seeing Louis fall to his knees. “Babe! Are you okay?” Harry asked wrapping an arm around Louis. 

“Don’t call me that!” Louis shot back, shoving his friends arm away.

“Ba…sorry, Louis, what’s wrong?” Harry hated to see any of his friends in pain.

“I can’t do this anymore…” Louis’ words drifted off as he brought his knees to his chest and his palms to his face.

“Do what?” Harry said now kneeing beside Louis. He wanted to hold his friend, be there for him, but he was afraid of how Louis would react. Which was never a thought Harry had before; Louis was always the one indicating the touching, so why was Harry so worried now. Maybe because Louis had never snapped at him like that, he had always said only the most loving and calming words to him. What did Harry do to deserve hate?

“This…” Harry looked puzzled as the whispered words left Louis’ lips. “I can’t pretend I am okay with this anymore.”

“With us? Babe, we can’t tell the world yet, you know that. But it doesn’t change how I feel about us…”

“No!” Louis was getting frustrated.

“No what?”

“I can’t,” he took a few deep breaths before continuing. “I can’t pretend I am in love with you anymore.”

“What? Louis!” Harry didn’t know what to say. He thought Louis loved him, that Eleanor was only a cover, and that they would come out together soon. Harry never thought in a million years that the reason Louis had been pulling away was because he didn’t love him anymore, he thought he was hurting from the hate. He couldn’t begin to understand what was happening. “When…but…why?”

 

Louis finally looked up to his broken friend. “The song? The one we just listened to? I wrote it with Demi, it’s about you and me. Those lyrics, it was about us.”  
“You wrote all of that?” Harry said starting to choke up, why was Louis doing this to him?

 

“Every word,” Louis said calming. “I am the one telling you it was just a fling, I am the one saying that this isn’t love, I am the one telling you we are something that were not.” Louis had to be strong now, he couldn’t let seeing his broken friend turn him away from what he needed to do.

 

Now it was Harry’s turn to cry. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I was never in love with you; I was only ever interested in what your body had to offer. How could I love you? You’re a boy Harry; I’m not that kind of guy.” Tears started to pour out of Harry’s eyes. “It wasn’t real, it was never meant to be more than a fuck, a way for me to experience what my own gender could offer between the sheets.” Before he could continue Harry interrupted. 

“When?” His voice shaky.

“When what?”

“When did you fall out of love with me, and in love with her?”

“Aren’t you listening, I was never IN love with you!” He could see the hurt in Harry’s eyes, but he couldn’t stop. “How could I love you? How on earth could I love someone like you.” Harry couldn’t take anymore, he wanted to run, scream, cry, and punch whatever was in sight, including the man who sat beside him ripping his heart out and throwing it into a wood chipper. “Look, Hazza, I’m...” 

“Don’t,” Harry pulled away interrupting him. He was broken; his heart ripped out and stomped on. This wasn’t true, Louis had to be lying to him, and Louis loved him even if he didn’t want to admit it. Harry wasn’t going to sit here and listen to Louis lies, he wasn’t going to let him try and break Harry to the point of no return, he was already broken, but he needed something to hold onto, _anything_ to hold on to. He knew the older males true feelings, and he knew Louis would soon realize it too, at least he hoped.

“I’m sorry,” Louis pleaded, looking up to the now standing Harry.

“Don’t be, you can’t help who you fall in love with.” Harry said, trying to hold together his broken apart stature up. “You fell in love with me first, and a true love can’t measure up to a first love.” With those last words Harry was gone, running somewhere, anywhere so he could be alone and crumble to pieces in peace.

**Author's Note:**

> This story came to me in a song, "Something That We're Not" by Demi Lovato. I know that I may get some hate for this story, but before you get angry, please judge me by the quality of my writing, not by my choice in a story. I really hope you all love it.


End file.
